Life takes unexpected turns; the funny thing is
it does not require your permission to it! Just imagine you’re in a cab and you
want the driver to turn right and he ignoring you turns left, and you have
relocated, in the end, you get fed up and leave the cab, guess what?! You can’t do
that in life, by anyways getting off a running cab is suicide in both cases.
Therefore, you don’t have a chance other than changing the destination. In such
you look up to god and ask him why the hell you are doing this to me, I wanted
to go somewhere else, I ended up somewhere else, the metaphorical version of”
jana tha japan pahuch gaye chin samaj gaye na!” but life goes on you have to
relocate several times.
I’m in midst of relocation too, I spent 2
years of my preparing for an m.pharm entrance test called GPAT. I was truly
determined to live my life as a research scientist, looking for new drug
candidates to change the course of humanity, give new life to patients all over the world.
It was only after when I understood the way they worked that I found out how
the reality is, how it takes years of research and effort to develop a drug,
and mostly with no results at all, many times the drug does well but due to
some side effects or other reasons FDA
disapproves of the drug and the scientists come back to square one. It's kind of
frustrating but still I came to peace with it but then I found out how 1 guy
does only 1 thing throughout the process, and has no idea how the journey is
led, moreover they don’t even know how the other guys work, the entire
process is carried by communication in between the workers, the bigger picture
is lesser-known to each cog. No wonder the process takes so long! Next, Indians
are lazy when it comes to teamwork, it unleashes our govt worker and start
blaming the other guy who failed to do it job, this way screwing our own job,
probably the pharma situation will be a little better but my expectations are
not high.
This led me to rethink my decisions and
question myself do I really want this kind of life? This is not the first time
I’m facing this question, it came to when I was preparing for my neet\cet to
get into medicine, that time I saw the scenario and looked at the doctors and
how they worked, despite being in health care they seemed unhealthy, the
concern and empathy expected from the doctors was not seen as much as it
should. And most of all I was not ready to work as hard as it was expected of
me. I thought why am I supposed to work hard now to work hard later? Its no
going to get easy and I can't fool myself by not caring for my patients, I have
to be there when they need me, I can't put money before their health and deep
down I was not ready for this type of commitment, my overthinking led to poor performance
and confirmation that I shouldn’t become a doctor.
Years from that day, I stand here again, with a similar question but this time I want to become a doctor, I’ve tried the
industry route, I don’t think it for me, on contrary I believe I should be in
healthcare on the ground level, looking after the patients getting the feedback
and validation then and there not 15 years later. Over time I have been
fortunate enough to get to know some of the brilliant and enthusiastic doctors
online who love their job and influence many to manage the health better. Now I
think not as a clinic doctor but as a clinical pharmacist (pharm.d) I can make
a difference.
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