Friendship paradox

Human are social, emotional, and irrational people, we can predict how other people are going to behave but still can’t decide what to do with our selves, some times we get so lost in our selves that can’t see what others want of us. Well same goes the other way round well.

 I can’t emphasize enough the value of human relations, I was always the one to think that beauty on the inside is what matters, I was right kind of, but you know we live in a world where the book is judged by it cover no matter how much we try to tell people. This article too is for a person who used to put others before himself, value others opinions more than himself’s, a person so fresh, that he thought he understood humans, but was not even able to scratch the surface, yup! I’m talking about myself.

 When I was new in college everything felt like a rainbow, new friends, new place, suddenly from the shed of my parents I fell into to basket of my friends, some them much smarter, and experienced than me, some were just as dumb… but it was fun, I didn’t know how to survive, the peer pressure hit me like a brick, only thank goodness, it wasn’t the rough kind , luckily my friends never forced my into what I don’t wanna do, but that in fact forced me a lot more to hang out with them, as “they are not brats , we’re only having fun!” paradoxically. 

Anyways the problem was not my friends but me, I was so drawn to them that I was not taking care of myself, there were no personal boundaries, no personal space, whether be it dinner, or me studying in my room, I was just 1 phone call away from my friends, I felt so good, that I was there for them, I felt like I was a true friend, the savior of them all, ready to rescue them from all personal and other problems, in some way that bonded us better, for the first time in my life I was having meaningful friendships, the one I saw in movies.

 

By the way movies have built up a way different scene in the heads, when I passed my 10th ssc, student of the year had released, seeing sidharth and varun in stylish jackets, riding the best bikes out there , girls fighting over them… such scenes still mesmerize me to heaven, how naïve was I to belive that all or even some part of it was true, India is never what we see in movies, whether it be student of the year or slum dog millionaire , its never black or white but a big grey! 

So after 1 dream being shattered I thought that at least one of the dreams would be true the “friendship” maybe 3 idiots was right about education and friendship… so I invested everything I had in friendship… well looking back years from then it was not such a waste afterall, I did make some very good friends…

 Ok! The problem started when I started to distinguish, some of my friends from others, not knowing who the people were in reality I spent time with people who glamourized my life,the people who seemed to elevate my status in college, not knowing the dynamics I was in I just wanted to be with the cool kids!

 Only after a while when 1 of my roommates pointed out how I wasted my money and time for people who’ll ultimately leave me or any other for the sake of better, I don’t connect to them on a personal level, I’m only their friend because I’m cool now, once I stop giving them the attention they need, they’ll show their true colors.

 This was pretty big lesson for right there, a true friend will ask you what’s wrong when you act weird or ignore them, a quake will just ignore you back, give you the same attitude. So from then, I saved up my wallet, only gave them my time, helped them only when they asked and vice versa. A good friend does’nt need your money, or your constant support in their relationships, they teach you to be independent and they do that by being independent.

 So people like me, I’d dumb it down, don’t chase friendships, or people, or status, search for meaning , if they add meaning to you life, keep them, at the same time try to add some meaning to their lives as well, be there for them but not as the cost of yourselves, remember you could only help them, if you helped yourselves first. In a way we could conclude that friendship paradox is “to be friends with others you have to be friends with yourself first.”